Wonderment
In this blog I’m working with a word that came up for me in a Life Alignment Session with Leila, which was tremendously supportive to clarify points I’m walking and how to approach them practically. The first word I’m working with is Wonderment, described as:
“to be in awe of yourself and in the expression of yourself, as a child, to have that twinkle in your eye and take in life as a celebration, rather than something that needs to be analyzed, calculated, and overcome with your wit and strength”
One of the ways I am opening up this expression in my life is by reminding myself in every moment possible to be light hearted, even when something might seem like an issue or something not going ‘right’, who can I be in that moment? What will I choose? To get frustrated? To add more stress to the situation? What would I really want ‘if’ I could freely choose. Do I really have time to waste on being stressed? Or am I going to grab life by the chachkies, and make the most possible of every moment? What reason is there to not do that? Does it mean that I won’t make ‘mistakes’? No, but that’s because the real mistake is not pushing yourself to your limits to find out who you really are and what you’re truly capable of.
In a way, it sounds like ‘focusing on the positive’, but it’s not about choosing what to focus on or what to ignore, or positive, or negative, but rather, who I will be in any situation, be it one that would be defined as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, because neither positivity nor negativity are actually here.
Wonderment was something I was so estranged from in a way, that it wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary. I knew of it, but can’t say I’ve ever used it, and certainly not to describe my own experience. But it has always been there, a spark that was nurtured in my early childhood, then slowly suppressed more and more over time as life became difficult through family issues, financial issues, natural disasters and stuff involved with life and growing up in this world. I never lost this part of myself though, it is a part of who I am at the core. Before I had the word Wonderment to describe it, the best word I could find was Curiosity, but that never really sat right, as curiosity is more defined as ‘a strong desire to know or learn something’, and this is more fundamental than even acquiring knowledge or an understanding of something, but just a general being in awe and reverence of life, and my life, and myself in expression, living in celebration in every moment, creating the best space within and as myself, by releasing all the layers that have weighed me down through the years, crushing the wonderment out of me.
There needs to be space for the wonderment, I don’t have space for it within me if I’m depressed and stressed and hunched over and not considering my body. But when I open up and lift myself up, even just that simple act of love for myself, for my body, taking a breath and standing tall, not accepting any reason to feel burdened or weighed down as an experience within myself, allowing myself to even apply wonderment within how I move within and as my own physical body, a process that doing Feldenkrais helped open up for me, quite literally lifting myself out of my past and into the life I want to live, which doesn’t mean the outside factors, but who I am inside and out.
Of course, there can be moments that are serious, and so I’m not saying to go around in some ‘state’ of wonderment all the time, but more just an application to live in moments where it’s possible. I find even more points and dimensions to this word and expression as I continue to walk the question of who am I as Wonderment, which I’m sure will find it’s way into future blogs..
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