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I Am so Dark

As I'm starting to read this art book, called "Brave Intuitive Painting-Let Go, Be Bold, Unfold!" By Flora Bowley. It is talking about surrendering and expressing from the heart, and somehow right away I don’t trust it, like, somehow it’s putting me on, like this is going to be some airy-fairy thing that isn't going to help me with painting at all. Like, it's just too positive to be real in this world that is full of negativity. The world is a sad place. And in this moment of reaction, I see I am a part of that sadness.
On the Desteni farm Bernard once told me ‘You’re allowing a form of sadness’. I could see it then, it made sense, even though I didn’t totally understand it. And I’m still working on it. I still ‘get sad’ in moments, where the emotion takes a hold of me whether I like it or not. It's not that I'm trying to 'eradicate sadness', it's to not have an energetic experience to it that is not coming from me …

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